Last night, Grandpa had me look in the closet in the laundry room (the "little bedroom" as we call it, I believe, though I don't think it was ever a bedroom...) for a new bag for the vacuum. Yes, an old enough model to require a vacuum bag. ;) - It feels like one of those "if you give a mouse a cookie" stories, but go figure when I looked in the closet to get the vacuum bag, I saw a bunch of Grandma's old sweaters, cardigans, and shirts hanging up, which, of course, reminded me of Grandma. And reminded me how much I miss her. And the sweaters still smelled like her and the cardigans still had old crumpled tissues in the pockets. I nearly expected her to come around the corner and put one on. I was really wishing she would. - I mentioned it to Grandpa-- missing Grandma. Naturally, he shared the sentiment. To him, she was a wonderful wife and mother. To me, she was a wonderful grandma. She was an all-around wonderful lady, and we loved her, and as such, now that she's gone, we miss her. - The thing about missing her is that it reminds me how grateful I am to still have Grandpa. So it's kinda bittersweet. I wish I still had Grandma--boy how I wish!--but knowing she's gone keeps me remembering that people are temporary--they don't live forever--and that reminds me to make the most of the time with the people I still have. Like Grandpa. - I miss my dear Grandma. A whole lot. And so I cherish deeply my time with Grandpa; I know someday I'll miss him too. But not right now I won't, because he's still here. And I'm deeply grateful for that. 💚 --- old writing I stumbled upon tonight: --- What do I want maybe most in the world? I want to hug my Grandma. I want to fold into her sun-spotted arms. I want to press against her wrinkled cheek. I want to breathe in the sweet nostalgic scent of the hairspray she uses to keep her light white curls intact, and the gentle musky perfume she’s applied since forever, and I want to match the pace of my tennis shoes to that of her old tan oxfords as they scuff dependably across the floor. I want to hug my Grandma. But I can’t. I can’t hug her anymore-- she’s no longer here to hug. She’s passed away. She’s inhabiting Heaven. I still want to hug her. I really want to. I miss her something awful. But I’m okay. It’s okay. Because Grandma’s okay. She finally truly is. And someday… Oh, someday soon… Someday soon, I’ll be okay too. I'll be somewhere Where I'll no longer miss her. And I’ll be there forever At long lovely last. 💚
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