He Still Reigns

Did you know
That someone died today?
It happened in a breath.
The leaf fell,
The door closed,
The alarm clock rang.
Somewhere
Someone
Is mourning.
All those gold and sunny melodies
Have been dusted with a sheen of gray.
The sun has blinked,
The clock has flickered.
Yesterday they were laughing.
Yesterday you were laughing.
Or sulking.
Or sad.
Today there is sorrow dripping from the sky;
Today there is sorrow in tiny raindrop capsules.
God was in the sun of yesterday.
Of course He was.
Obviously.
But is He yet here
Right here
In the rain?
In these gloomy days and darkened skies,
He is still there.
He is very much there.
Perhaps His touch is tinged with something other than what you were awaiting,
Perhaps He is fulfilling a purpose you could never comprehend.
But for all you do not know,
Know this:
God is still here.
He is still the same.
Your circumstances may have changed--
But not God.
Not Him.
Even in your pouring rain,
He
Still
Reigns. 🍂

A Raw Confession

This is a moment of weakness, and this is a semi-impulsive post.
My emotions are running high (low?) per usual, and, per usual, I am feeling--in a considerably untimely manner--like writing something full of passion and promise and pain.
This one might be heavy on the pain.
And the passion.
As you'll come to (or have already come to) see, I am imperfect. I am cracked. I am broken. I am crazy and ridiculous and unprofessional and weird and not normal. (Is anybody normal? Sometimes it seems like everyone but me...)
Currently, I am searching. Not for faith--I already "found" that quite some time ago, though I am trying to try to make it stronger.
Currently, I am hurting. I am confused. I am puzzled and sorrowful and stricken and feeling just the slightest bit hopeless. Not in God--I know He'll always come through. I am feeling hopeless in myself. I am feeling like I may never really improve or get fixed or be normal or return to the me I once was... the me I'm pretty sure I once was... the me I would very much like to be.
Currently, this moment, I am here. I am writing and thinking and hoping and longing.
You are currently reading this.
(Thank you.)
Currently we are both. We are just both. We are me and you together, you and me, us, combined, one unto ourselves.
I am grateful to you for listening and you are--dare I say--expanded for doing so.
Thank you.
Here goes.
-----
Well my self-esteem dropped
And my weight went up
And one of my best friends has a boyfriend...
-
I'm losing everything I hold dear
'Cuz I'm losing myself
-
I don't think anybody can help me
Or even understand me
It all makes me feel so lonely
And empty
Please help me
-
But I can't even cry
I'm just too worn to try
To get up again.....
-----
(It's a song. A messy one, thought up in the shower and sloppily penned, with improper grammar and incorrect sentence structure. A gem, I know, you are quite welcome, no need to thank.)
I am incomprehensible.
These feelings... these pieces of my inner self... they are nearly untouchable. Unsolvable.
I cannot explain to you and you cannot comprehend.
That is just the way it is.
There are blotches in my head, my heart, my mind, my soul, my self, that cannot be understood or pinpointed or eradicated.
I wish they could.
Maybe they can be.
But currently I am not feeling such hope.
I am all messed up, all mixed-around, all upside-down and topsy-turvy. I do not understand myself and don't know where I left the path. What happened to me? A good question, one that begs a much-needed answer, but I do not have it and am afraid I never will.
---
This is a Raw Confession, and you are nearly an angel (metaphorically speaking, mind you).
This a burst of evening emotion.
Come morning I will feel differently. Perhaps I will even regret pressing "publish". I will reevaluate, reconsider, rethink myself, my words, my claims.
But right now--currently--this is how I am feeling.
This is what's up.
This is it.
---
Thank You. ♱🍃